Porn Recovery UK Information and support for those affected by Pornography and Cybersex

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Support for partners and family members of users

There are a number of ways you might have discovered that someone you know is using porn or cybersex. You may have 'had a feeling' for quite some time and now you have confronted them. You might have found something in the browser history of a computer or a message on a mobile phone. You may even have walked in on your partner or a family member when he or she was using pornography or cybersex.

If you've just discovered that someone close to you is using pornography, cybersex or other sexual services you may be feeling one or all of a number of common reactions to your discovery:

  • anger
  • anxiety
  • disappointment
  • disgust
  • fear
  • revulsion
  • loss of trust.

The first thing to know is that it is quite natural and normal to be having these feelings in reaction to an unexpected discovery. Click on Stephanie's story to find out how she became a compulsively user. Click on Evan's blog to read a series of blogs about one man's recovery process. Click on Helen to read her story of discovering her partner's use. Browse Turned On: Intimacy in a pornized society a hard-hitting tale about the causes and outcomes of cybersexual addiction. Told in three parts, it outlines the stories of those most affected, and seeks out the underlying causes and potential resolutions through the voice of a psychotherapist. This uncompromising book reveals the real victims. Read, and be prepared to consider how many people are blighted by cybersexual addiction. An adapted version of Chapter three from the book is available by clicking here.


Questions about porn use

You are likely to have many questions about why someone is using porn, cybersex or other sexual services. Partners or family members often believe that it is their fault in some way. At Porn Recovery UK there is a belief that dependent behaviours on porn, sex and cybersex are often used to mask other important emotional difficulties. Common reasons that have been revealed once the compulsive use of porn and/or cybersex have been dealt with include:



There may also be issues in a relationship or a family that people find too hard to directly address, and in this case using porn and cybersex as 'feel good' 'coping' mechanisms is a common avoidance employed by users. So, if you are the partner of a porn addict, remember the underlying issue may well have little or nothing to do with you or your relationship.


Female users

According to many sources, males probably make up the majority of problem users of porn and cybersex. However, increasingly females are coming forward with difficult-to-self-manage behaviours around Internet relationships, sex and porn. Obviously, this might result in the same sorts of impacts on relationships as male use of pornography and cybersex. (Read about Stephanie's route into porn use or Ellen's addiction process)



Support

Porn Recovery UK supports people by providing counselling and psychotherapy via online Skype or telephone sessions anywhere in the UK. Face to face sessions are also available in Cambridge, Bristol and North Somerset. PRUK offers consultation services to broadcast media and other media platforms as well as information and links about pornography and cybersex. If you are looking for therapeutic help as a user, partner or family member then you can contact our lead therapist directly through his own website therapy-space Cambridge or click on the contact bars on this web page. The Useful Things page will also point you in the direction of loads more information, comment and support.


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